Category Archives: Blatherings

Starting fresh… again.

May 16, 2014 16:06 | Leave a Comment |

Got all motivated, rejoined the gym and even bought new running shoes. See?
New ASICS runners
Then I promptly got a cold. So no gym for me.

My gym program is sitting there, waiting for me and I’m physically incapable of even being shown through it. I get out of breath going up the stairs at the moment.

This will be the third time I’ve endeavoured to lose weight. I guess that’s to my advantage. I’ve done it twice now. Okay, it should’ve only been once but being sick for three months kinda prevents one from going the gym. Anyhoo… yes. Gym. Going. Exercise. Being motivated. Yup.

I’m going to try a slightly different mental approach this time. Last time it was all about losing weight rather than being healthy. So I figure this time it should be about being healthy and letting the weight loss – which will hopefully happen – be a side effect. A good one but still a side effect. I don’t think I’ll drop any sizes or anything but I’m hoping dresses that I’d struggle to squeeze into at the moment will fit again. (Plus Richard bought me this absolutely gorgeous dress that I definitely want to make sure I still fit into.)

I guess the other this is that I want to make sure I can still fit into my wedding dress. The idea was to wear it again at some point and it’s too beautiful to leave rolled up in its dress bag (yes, rolled – you don’t hang dresses like that one). At the moment I doubt I’d be able to wear it with any style or grace.

Hhmm… I suppose that’s me wanting to lose weight. D’oh!

I’m hoping I get a gym program that’s all about building upper body strength. I’ve worked so hard to improve my core but I think I’m still having back pain because the rest of me is so weak. When I was going the gym regularly, my back barely troubled me at all. My back still hurts after 18 months of clinical pilates even though I know my core strength has massively improved. It doesn’t hurt as much but it hasn’t been the miracle solution I hoped it would be. Maybe over-all strength is the next logical thing to try.

To be honest, I’m also hoping it’ll make cycling easier for me. I’m hoping some upper body strength will make climbing easier. I’m pretty certain that lack of upper body strength is what makes it so difficult for me. I hurt when I climb, my back just aches so why would I want to do it? I’m not accomplishing the things my friends are because the pain holds me back.

This all sounds like I have utterly unrealistic expectations of what to happen but having done this before, I know what my body is capable of. I guess what’s to my advantage is that even though the weight is sneaking back on, it’s nowhere near like it was. A lower starting point is a good thing and I’m not expecting to magically lose a huge amount of weight. I only want to shift a couple of kilos.

Posted in: Blatherings | Tagged: , , , ,

Figured it was time

May 6, 2014 16:09 | Leave a Comment |

Gym membership and appointment card Soooo… yeah. I rejoined the gym.

I quit ages ago when the cycling started to take over and the gym was getting busier and busier, meaning you had to wait longer and longer to use the equipment. (But funnily enough I was still in their system so I have the same membership number.) I decided it must be about time I did something about the midlife weight creep I seem to be suffering from.

It’s hard work lugging 74kg up mountains – which, admittedly I haven’t done since March. Hell, it’s hard work lugging around 74kg commuting to and from work, especially when I’m on Jayne, who weighs 10kms on his own. Add a full pannier bag and it’s probably about 12kgs that I’m asking my body, my legs to push around. Add my own body weight on top of it and it’s a recipe for some effort. (I could look at in a more positive way and think of it as being a great strengthening exercise.)

I do feel fat at the moment. It appears to have gotten a good deal harder to lose weight these days. Tipping over 40 seems to made my body decide it wants to horde all the fat it can. But I am my own worst enemy because all those food that are bad for you? I love them. Eating them makes me happy – especially really good cheese.

I am trying to be better about what I eat. I’m trying to indulge my sweet tooth a good deal less. I haven’t made any cookies for at least two months (caneles and madelaines on the other hand…) I’m making less ice cream. I’m trying to eat less junk at work. I guess I have to move from trying to doing. As Yoda said: “Do or do not. There is no try.”

So… This is me doing something about my weight.

Posted in: Blatherings | Tagged: , , ,

You can call me the tubster

February 4, 2014 12:16 | Leave a Comment |

Actually, on second thought, don’t.

The weight starting sneaking back when I hurt my back in 2012 after doing Amy’s Gran Fondo. It was pretty bad. My ability to exercise dropped way off because I simply couldn’t move like I once did. I did shed some weight in 2013 but it seemed like it was only temporary. I did manage to get back down to 70kg for the wedding but that’s only because I had listeria poisoning. Three weeks before the wedding I was 72.5kg. How do I remember this when the wedding was six months ago? Because I was genuinely shocked at dropping 2.5kg in a week.

(Still, that’s not as bad as when I did Amy’s Ride on a 45°C day and dropped from 69kg to 66kg. *coughs* I was a wee bit dehydrated. But it all came back on after a few days as it should’ve.)

Anyhoo… I weighed myself this morning. I am a very bleugh 74kg, up last week from 73.8kg. I have clothes that I know I would struggle to fit into at my current weight. Beautiful dresses that I can’t wear because I’ve become too much of a tubby. But I don’t know… That’s my impression of myself. I think I look I’m about the size of elephant but it’s patently not true.

After all, compare this:
Lauren in a sparkly dark blue dress

with this:
Fat Lauren

The top photo was taken four days ago. The bottom one is from 2005. There is a visible difference between the two photos. My face is no longer all puffy and apparently I’ve started buying much better bras. 😛

I can see that I’m slimmer in the first photo but I feel like I look like I did in the second photo. Which is stupid. I know that I should be concerned about my weight gain because it’s not too healthy. But I know I’m concerned about my weight gain because of how I think I look. I should be worrying about my health and not give two figs about what I look like. I had two sets of blood tests done in 2013 and both came back saying I was extremely healthy. Even with the extra weight, I’m in rude health and not at risk of any major illness – like diabetes for example.

And that’s what I should be concerned about.

I should be concerned about doing what I need to do to keep myself healthy. I’ve always had a bit of a problem with fat acceptance (which seems to say that it’s okay to be fat regardless of the consequences) but I’ve tended to agree with the message of the health at any size concept. I have just as much value at size 16 as I did when I was a size 12. I’m still the same person. However, I was horrendously unhealthy when I was size 16 (and accelerating towards 18 and higher). I couldn’t get up a small flight of stairs without being out of breath and feeling like my heart was going to burst right out of my chest. I didn’t feel any sense of wellness, even though I wasn’t sick. The initial weight loss was liberating, not because I looked better but because I could move freely. I felt well. I felt good.

I guess that at the moment I’m struggling to like my body as it currently is. I feel fat and bloated. I feel like I’m sluggish and slow (although this morning’s ‘power lap’ on Yarra Boulevard says otherwise!). Maybe I feel like my body has betrayed me because I have put on weight. We’re in a struggle when we shouldn’t be.

After all, my body really is amazing. It does some really cool things like regulate my temperature, keeps my heart beating, controls my muscles so I can type and scratch my temple (which I just did) without me even being conscious of it. Well, I’m aware that I’m typing but I’m not telling my fingers to type a conscious level. It’s not the enemy.

It’s my thinking that’s the problem. I need to change the perception I have of myself, if that makes sense. I know I’m never going to be model thin and, to be honest, I don’t want to be. But I can’t help but wish I was slimmer. The bizarre thing about thinking like this is that I’m not sure what being slimmer would really do for me. Well, one obvious answer is that it’d make riding up mountains a hell of a lot easier! But apart from that, I have no clue. Being slimmer isn’t going to make me more successful at work – my brain needs to do that. Being slimmer isn’t going to net me a husband – already got one. Being slimmer isn’t going to suddenly lead to fame and fortune – not that I want to be famous anyway (some extra fortune would be nice though *lol*).

So how do I change my thinking? Maybe I need to simplify it. I mean, all I really care about is being able to ride my bike and having a quiet simple life. So… can I ride my bike as I am right now? Yes, I can. Does my appearance when I’m on my bike and fully kitted up really matter? Well, no. It’s not like I can see my arse or my flabby guts when I’m riding anyway. Does my husband love and accept me as I am right now? The way he is with me suggests a most definite yes. Does he care about the way I look? Maybe a little bit but it’s because he wants me to be healthy. It’s not about me being fat. Am I going to be any better off if I suddenly lost 10kg? Possibly but the effort that would go into doing it would make me pretty unhappy. And maintaining it wouldn’t be a lot of fun either.

So, what now? 10 years ago I probably would’ve been in tears by now and stuffing my face with chocolate. Or ice cream. And making a bad situation even worse. I’m more than aware that I always give into temptation. I love chocolate. I love ice cream. I love cake. So maybe the solution is to love them a little less. And to be honest – get over it. All this angst about how I look is idiotic and a huge waste of time. I look the way I look.

So there you go, self! Build a bridge and get over it!!

Posted in: Blatherings | Tagged: , , , ,

2013 in 40 questions

January 3, 2014 09:20 | Leave a Comment |

1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?
Got married!

2. Did you keep your new year resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Meh. Who needs them?

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yup. Sister-in-law and a friend both welcomed little boys into their families. A work colleague had twin boys! And another one had a little girl. Wow… lots of babies!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No thank god!

5. What countries did you visit?
France.

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
I think I’d like for 2014 to be a bit quieter on the whole. 2013 was pretty intense, lots of things going on. Moving house and acquiring a mortgage will be enough for next year.

7. What date from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
August 31. Getting married tends to be a stand out.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finally wiggling out of my old job that I really didn’t like (but was stuck in). It’s not just my doing obviously but it made my life so much better and I did have to do an interview – which I am very bad at.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not being prepared enough to ride up Mt Hotham. I really wanted to do it this year but I was utterly underdone for it. Mt Buffalo and Fall’s Creek will have to do. (And Donna Buang a week later because two mountains wasn’t enough apparently.)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
2013 will go down as the year of sickness. Had colds, gastro, a migraine but the big one was getting listeria poisoning two weeks before the wedding and having to go the E.D. so I could be put on a drip. That sucked.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My BMC. And then the new wheels to go on him. Awesome bike! Love him to death!!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
There are two people who’s professionalism and behaviour made my life better because they made my experiences on the bike better.

First one is Chris from Bike Now. He did a bike fit for me and all he cared about was making sure I was in the best possible position I could be. I’ve been back to see him three times since the initial bike fit in March. The last visit was on Monday. He really listened to everything I said and asked all sorts of questions to make sure he was clear about what I was experiencing on the bike and what I wanted to get out of my riding.

Second on is Dan from Shifter Bikes. He’s a freaken genius. Richard and I went to see him because it was time for Richard to get new wheels. However, after a very frightening experience during the descent on Lake Mountain (speed wobbles at 70km/h) I decided I needed some different wheels as well. We talked for about 10 minutes, I explained what I had experienced and he immediately came up with a solution. The wheels he built are brilliant. I feel better on the bike because I know I can trust what’s rolling underneath me. Plus, I was really flattered when he instragram’ed my bike.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
So much for the promises from our politicians that they’d be better behaved. The Victorian lower house descended into an absolute farce this year with several motions of no confidence in the Speaker. And it’s not much better at the federal level. It really does seem that the politicians are all in love with with their own bloated sense of power. But we elect them so who’s to blame?

14. Where did most of your money go?
Bike, bike, bike, WEDDING! Good lord weddings are expensive.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Ummm… this will sound awful but I was way more excited about picking up my BMC than I was about the wedding. I’m talking feelings on the day, not the overall experience. The day of the wedding I was so grumpy. It took until me actually getting the venue before I started to enjoy myself. But the BMC had immediate rewards! Except the bit where Richard forgot it was on the roof rack and nearly drove under the carport before I screamed STOP, STOP, STOP!! Not a good memory!

16. What song will always remind you of 2013?
Clair de Lune. It was my entrance song for the wedding played so beautifully by my friend Louisa. Every time I hear it, I always think of the moment of standing outside the door to the hall with my dad, waiting for the right moment to make my grand entrance.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? pretty happy
ii. thinner or fatter? thinner!
iii. richer or poorer? about the same

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Really should’ve done more riding. I didn’t meet a goal (conquering Mt Hotham) because of lack of preparation.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying about the wedding. Including the weather. Stupid to worry about the weather. You have absolutely zero control over it so you have to let it go. But I got lucky. We had the most amazing day. It was about 10°C warmer than it should’ve been and it was a beautiful sunny day.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Really late putting this up so it’s already passed. Spent the day with Richard’s extended family. It was nice.

21. What was your favorite month of 2013?
September. Who wouldn’t enjoy tootling around France for three week and basically having the entire month off work?

22. Did you fall in love in 2013?
Can’t do that if you already are 😉

23. How many one-night stands?
None.

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
Masters of Sex. Such a good show! Loved Castle and A Game of Thrones too. Oh… and Sherlock. The last ep of that was extraordinary.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nope.

26. What was the best book you read?
Raising Steam – the latest Terry Pratchett novel. I wasn’t sure about it at first but thoroughly engrossed by the end.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I”m so boring. I don’t really listen to new music any more. I’m sticking with what I know. And besides, Nine Inch Nails released a new album in 2013.

28. What did you want and get?
A new camera. I bought one as a birthday present to myself. Been wanting one for ages.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
Nothing immediately leapt to mind but that’s because I haven’t really gone to the movies that much this year. Kept meaning to but other things kept getting in the way – namely the wedding. But I did really enjoy Iron Man 3. Won’t deny it was flawed (because it certainly was) but it was fun. I also really enjoyed Star Trek: Into Darkness. Benedict Cumberbatch was awesome as Khan.

Joss Whedon’s Much Ado About Nothing is still on my absolutely must watch list.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Umm… nothing. I was recovering from listeria poisoning and we were getting married a week later. I turned 41.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I actually don’t know. I’m very content with how my life is at the moment. I’m finally with someone who I love being with and we’re planning out a life together. It’s pretty cool.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
Same as always but now with added dresses!

34. What kept you sane?
Richard. Awful amount of pressure to put on him *lol* But seriously, his presence in my life has got me on an even keel finally. I’ve finally worked out that a less complicated life is a better one. Something quiet and not that extraordinary is good. I don’t know why we’re all supposed to have extraordinary lives and do great things with them. Maybe it’s better to have a simple, quiet life and do what you want to rather than doing what you think you should to make others happy.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Meh…

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Politicians just make me angry so I’m trying to stay away.

37. Who did you miss?
As always, my American peeps.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
My workmate Julia. She’s a little ray of sunshine every day. I know that sounds twee and annoying but she’s always smiling, always positive and a freaken amazing cook!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013
Focus on the stuff that makes you happy. Worry less about everything else. And that life is always, always surprising.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Nary a song lyric is coming to mind.

Posted in: Blatherings | Tagged: , , ,

Hey look! It’s December 25!!

December 25, 2013 07:59 | Leave a Comment |

Season’s greeting to all those I hold dear, near and far. To those far – you are never far from my thoughts. To those near – well, you know…

(Tim says it better than I ever could. That’s why I keep putting it up every year.)

Posted in: Blatherings | Tagged: , ,

2012 in 40 questions

December 31, 2012 13:14 | Leave a Comment |

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
Was in the velodrome at Roubaix on Sunday 8th of April for the finish of Paris – Roubaix road race. It was amazing to be there and hear the crowd screaming as Tom Boonen got closer and closer and then finally appeared. It’s something I will never forget.

2. Did you keep your new year resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I usually fail to see the point of new year resolutions so therefore don’t make them. But this time I’ve decided it’s about time I did something the about 2.5kg I’ve put on in the last few months. Not sure if that’s really a new year resolution though, I would’ve done something about it regardless of what time of year it was, eventually.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Two friends did recently – within a few days of each other but thousands of kilometres apart. One in America, one right here in Melbourne

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope.

5. What countries did you visit?
America, France and Hong Kong.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
Umm… fewer injuries would be nice. I could’ve really done without dislocating my thumb at the start of the year. And seriously aggravating my back again really wasn’t fun.

7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 11. Getting engaged whilst wandering around the Luxembourg Gardens, 6th Arrondissement of Paris does tend to stick in the memory.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Riding up Falls Creek. Okay, it was only from Mt Beauty so a total of 30kms while I had friends who rode the whole way from Bright (which means riding up Towonga Gap twice). But I figured 30kms of climbing was enough for me. Also completing Amy’s Grand Fondo was a biggie too.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I must admit that I’m disappointed in how lazy I’ve become. Being lazy means I’ve put weight back on and I worked so hard to get rid off it in the first place. Feel like I’ve let myself down a bit with that.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Dislocated my thumb. Really freaken hurt and I recommend not doing it.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Jayne – my CX bike. Makes commuting so much easier knowing I can come to a really rapid halt when I need to. Love those disc brakes.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Julia Gillard. Sure, she’s got a really annoying voice and I wish she’d quit it with the Botox (move your eyebrows Julia!!) but to hear her take Abbot to task when he tried to lecture her on sexist behaviour (!!!) and misogyny was awesome. Julia in full flight is impressive – she should get angry more often.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
The majority of Australian politicians have been behaving like spoilt children who’ve had their favourite toy taken away. Really, if I hear Abbot bitching about how Gillard and the Labor Party is ruining this country, I’ll scream.

14. Where did most of your money go?
On Rapha cycling gear. Goodness, I spent a lot with them this year. I also bought a new bike. And I discovered the joys of ModCloth. However, I have managed to nearly pay off my credit card and am still saving some money.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Taking long service leave and nicking off overseas for three and a half weeks. It was great to see some (but not enough) of my American friends. New York was pretty incredible and we really should’ve spent more time there but that’s just the way it happened. But then there was Paris. What a wonderful city. Sigh.

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
Nothing springs to mind.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? about the same so pretty happy.
ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter 🙁
iii. richer or poorer? about the same

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Not been quite so anti-social. And of course – sleep!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Eat bad stuff! But I always say this. It never changes. I have a sweet tooth. I understand that if I want to eat all the yummy stuff that I apparently do, there must be a good deal more exercise going on.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Bit late putting this up so Christmas has already passed. Spent it in Shepparton with my parents.

22. Did you fall in love in 2012?
Can’t do that if you already are 😉

23. How many one-night stands?
None.

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
Doctor Who, Castle, Rake, Supernatural.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nope.

26. What was the best book you read?
Loved, loved, LOVED the Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries series by Kerry Greenwood. Bought all of them for my Kindle. Also got stuck into the Song of Ice and Fire series after watching the first season of Game of Thrones.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Umm… there wasn’t one. Stuck with what I know.

28. What did you want and get?
Well, I did treat myself to a new bike.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
The Dark Knight Rises. I’m sure you’re all shocked by this. The Avengers was pretty good too.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Ran away to Freycinet Lodge in Freycinet National Park, just near Coles Bay in Tasmania. We overnighted in Hobart on our way back so there was a trip to MONA as well. I turned 40 (which should explain the running away to Tassie.)

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Umm… not much. I achieved plenty on the bike so there’s something to be proud of there. But more than that, I actually feel like I have control over my life for once. I don’t feel like I’m bouncing from one disaster to the next which I did for such a long time. I feel so much calmer than I used to.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
The same as always but dresses have snuck in this year. What can I say? I discovered ModCloth.

34. What kept you sane?
Same as last year – my bike. At least it didn’t try to kill me this year.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Meh…

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
It’s been a pretty crappy year in Australian politics. As I said above, the majority have been behaving like a bunch of over-sugared spoilt children. Perhaps next year they’ll grow up and some civility will return.

37. Who did you miss?
I miss my American peeps. I write this every year but that’s because it’s always true. I do miss them.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Is it terrible that no one is springing to mind? Or does that make me really anti-social?

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012
Sometimes you take the twisty, long route to get where you’re going.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Can’t think of anything!

Posted in: Blatherings | Tagged: ,

It’s that time of year

December 21, 2012 17:35 | Leave a Comment |

Merry Christmas to all my friends and family. I think it’s well known that I’m not a huge fan of xmas. To me it seems to to be all about selling crap we don’t need. But I guess there is another message to it – spending time with the people who love us for who we truly are (and sometimes in spite of it). Well, that’s one thing I try really hard to remember.

So without any more blathering, it’s time for my usual xmas song post: Tim Minchin, White Wine in the Sun.

Posted in: Blatherings | Tagged: ,

2011 in 40 questions

December 20, 2011 13:05 | Leave a Comment |

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Rode up a freaken mountain. With a cold no less. It was a really, really long way up.

2. Did you keep your new year resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I fail to see the point of new year resolutions so therefore don’t make them.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My brother and his partner welcomed a daughter into the world on Jan 6 🙂

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope.

5. What countries did you visit?
None! And that’s just wrong!!

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
A trip overseas. I really hated not going anywhere this year. Already planning a trip for 2012.

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
4 – 5 June and 11 November (because riding up a mountain tends to stick in the memory).

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
See question 1.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I don’t know if I really failed at anything. I didn’t get the job I wanted but that’s not me failing, that’s me not being the best candidate for the job.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Head injury for the first time ever (as far as I can remember anyway). And my first cold in about 18 months (which has been quickly followed by another one!).

11. What was the best thing you bought?
New brakes and shifters for my Cannondale. I’m still enjoying the novelty of being able to stop without over-shooting.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Marissa the occupational therapy student who assisted me when I fell of my bike in August. She didn’t know me from a bar of soap but she still knelt in the gutter in the rain to check that I hadn’t totally scrambled my brains.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
You know, I see shitty things happen every day and now I’m trying to ignore it. I see people who are oblivious to their surrounding and have a total disregard for their own personal safety. If I saw them about to do something stupid like cross a road against the lights, I’d shout out. But after copping an earful from one guy, not any more.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Bike bits, comic books and a few dvds. And, well, just general living.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I was going to say nothing but I got pretty excited about my super-dooper birthday present from my best friend: a weekend in Sydney to see Kevin Spacey in Richard III. Richard III was not a nice man.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Sticks and Stones by Jonsi.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier!
ii. thinner or fatter? About the same I think
iii. richer or poorer? Richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Sleep!!!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Eat junky food. I write this down every year whilst filling in this survey and it never changes. Guess I’m never going to change.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I’ll be Barwon Heads with Richard’s family. First time in years I haven’t been at my parents’ place.

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Yup.

23. How many one-night stands?
None.

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
Doctor Who, Castle.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nope.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Rider by Tim Krabbe. Yes, it’s a book about cycling. I also really enjoyed the three volumns of Gotham City Central that were finally published in order this year. The comic finished ages ago but for some reason when DC originally published the TPBs they didn’t have the stories in publication order.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
How To Destroy Angels. I do wonder if it counts as it’s Trent Reznor but it’s a new thing for him.

28. What did you want and get?
Well, in last year’s meme I mentioned sorting out my emotional baggage and meeting someone so I suppose I wanted that quite a lot. I honestly don’t know if I sorted through all my baggage but apparently it was enough to actually be open to the possibility of a relationship when it came along.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
I was surprised by how much I liked Captain America and Thor. The former because it’s essentially a World War II film and I generally don’t like them. The latter because I expected it to be very silly with no heart. So while it was very silly, it had way more heart than I thought it would.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was whisked away to Chateau Yering at Yering Station for the night. I turned 39.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
You know, not a lot. This year has been way better than the last few and I’m pretty happy with how things are right now.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Same as last year. I have a pair of Chuck Taylors that say KA-BOOM!!

34. What kept you sane?
Same as last year – my bike. Although this year, I think Lisa actively tried to kill me. You know, with the head injury and all…

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Got say that one scene with Chris Helmsworth when he had his shirt off in Thor was pretty phooooooaw!!!! worthy.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Kinda annoyed at how the Victorian Government is trying to screw over nurses and their ilk after giving the police a rather healthy pay rise. And I had to change channels or turn the tv off every time Alan Joyce was on during the QANTAS debacle.

37. Who did you miss?
My American peeps. The Tim Sale board disappeared in about April and then they were still all talking about getting together for the Boston comic con and I didn’t go. That was really hard.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Richard *blushes* We met in January this year on a ride, although I think he’d been in a few other group rides before that but we’d never officially meet.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011
That I’m stronger than I think I am.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Absolutely nothing is springing to mind.

Posted in: Blatherings | Tagged: ,

It gets better

November 7, 2011 17:21 | Leave a Comment |

As someone who always felt out of place in the country town I grew up, it would’ve been nice to have say something like this to me. I was never sure why I didn’t fit in, I just knew that I didn’t. And of course, it being a country town, being different and not fitting in wasn’t a good thing. High school wasn’t a fun period for me and I really wish someone could’ve told me that it does indeed, get better.

The things they say in the video are true – high school and your teenage years are like a monochrome version of a technicolour world. The things you worry about in high school mean absolutely nothing once you grow up.

Of course this isn’t to say that it’s all sunshine and roses. It’s not. Sometimes it’s suck monumentally but that’s the nature of our lives. Something good and something bad. You can’t have one without the other.

Posted in: Blatherings | Tagged:

Oh, you’ll change your mind

June 29, 2011 12:14 | Leave a Comment |

Funny how this article by Clem Bastow got published on The Age website right when I’ve finally managed to achieve what I thought was the unachievable and have found myself in a relationship. A conversation with a work colleague meandered around to the topic of children. That’s when I got the Oh, you’ll change your mind response to my adamant position that I’m never going to have kids.

When I read Ms Bastow’s article, it was like she was reading my mind. Women who chose not to have children are either treated as if there’s something wrong with them which makes me decidedly grumpy or told that they’ll change their minds.

Uh… how about no?

Like Ms Bastow, I have zero maternal desire. I’m aunt to three nieces and one nephew and I love those kids to bits. But this doesn’t mean I have any desire at all to have a rug rat of my own. I’ve never had the desire. The only reason I ever said I would have children when I was younger was because it was expected of me to say just that. I’ve often been known to say that I must’ve been away the day maternal instinct was handed out because mine is so absent. Allegedly there’s a ticking biological clock that I’m supposed be hearing as my prime fertility years slip away but my response is what ticking biological clock? I simply don’t have it.

Of course, Ms Bastow’s article got plenty of comments (402 by the time they closed them) and it seemed to go three ways. Women saying “Hallelujah! Someone saying exactly what I’m thinking”, men telling her to essentially suck it up and deal with the busybodies and women telling her she’s making a horrendous mistake by not having children and that she’ll regret it when she’s older. The Age even got in on the act by publishing not one but two opinion pieces from the “you’ll regret it when you’re older” faction: one by Lyn Bender and another by Emma McDonald.

Both them espoused that same opinions that I’ve been exposed to before. Oh, you won’t know love until you’ve had a child. It’s what women are born to do. It’s not easy but it’s the most rewarding thing you’ll ever do… blah, blah, blah. Make me barf! Why is so hard for society to accept that there’s nothing wrong with a woman who simply doesn’t want to have children? I refuse to believe that my only purpose in life should be to push out a sprog or two. I refuse to believe that I’m somehow a failure in life because I haven’t and won’t procreate.

Maybe I am missing out on something profound. Maybe I am missing out on some overwhelming experience of love. And I’m okay with that. I’m too selfish to have children and I have no qualms admitting that. I like the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want. It’s a luxury I’m not willing to give up. I like my life the way it is and I don’t believe I’m really missing out on anything by not having a kid. To be honest, the idea that I’d be 100% responsible for someone scares the crap out of me. I’ve only just worked out how to properly take care of myself.

Let me be really clear – this is my personal position (and opinion). I don’t deny that having children is a rewarding and enriching experience for those who do. I see my siblings with their children and it makes me happy to see them happy. I love my three nieces and one nephew. I’m sure my life is and will be better because they’re part of my family. I just happen to love and cherish the ability of being able to hand them to someone else when they’re being little monsters and I like not having to wash bits of food out of my hair.

Posted in: Blatherings | Tagged: , , , ,