Category Archives: Blatherings

1. What did you do in 2021 that you’d never done before?
Finally rode up Mount Hotham. I had some thoughts about it.

2. Did you keep your new year resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
To repeat what I always say… I never bother with them. You can decide to makes changes any time you want. It’s up to you if you stick with them, the time of year makes no difference at all.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No one I’m particularly close to but I do know someone who had a baby – my team lead had a baby girl in July.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Remarkably in this (second) year of global pandemic, no. I’m aware of how lucky I am.

5. What countries did you visit?
None of us have a valid passport so we currently can’t leave the country even if we wanted to. (Which, admittedly we don’t because of our inept government.)

6. What would you like to have in 2022 that you lacked in 2021?
To never have to home school ever, ever again. I now know with absolute certainty I don’t have what it takes to be a teacher. I have never been so frustrated and disillusioned as I was when trying to get Juno to write just three sentences.

7. What date from 2021 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Sunday November 28 – the day I rode up Mount Hotham. It was a very, very long day on the bike. I rode 110km and climbed about 1800 metres. Mount Hotham is a bloody big mountain and it’s hard. When I rounded the last corner and saw the entrance to the village, I burst into tears. Someone described as they thought I’d been run over by my emotions at that point and I think that’s actually a good way of putting it.

Riding up mountains and putting yourself under that much physical stress can be quite emotionally cathartic. At the time, crying seemed an appropriate response.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
See Q.1 and Q.7.

But I should also mention that I graduated from my Masters of Communication this year as well. In hindsight, I kinda wish I’d never enrolled in it. It wasn’t what I thought it would be and I feel like I’ve spent an awful lot of money on something that I’m never actually going to use. I’m also a bit unclear on what I was supposed to be learning. It was nothing like my Journalism Grad Dip, where I felt I learnt plenty and developed some pretty useful skills from it

But it did give me the chance to research and write an article about women cyclists in Melbourne, an idea I had when I was doing my grad dip but couldn’t pursue because I couldn’t prove my premise (that the numbers of women riding had increased). I took a slightly different tack to be able to properly research it and I’m actually really proud of the article I wrote. It’s called Chasing Joy.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I felt so directionless with my research project that I had to do to complete my masters. This feeling wasn’t helped by me really not wanting to do it in the first place and decided that the whole thing was a massive, massive waste of time (and money).

I think the only reasons I didn’t totally bomb out was because I could chose what I wanted to research and do a thing called creative practice where you make an “artifact” instead of writing a thesis. So I decided to write an article about women’s cycling in Melbourne, which ended up being the longest thing I’ve ever written. (According to Medium, where I published it, it’s a 15 minute read. That’s a long when you consider that most articles can be read in 3 – 5 minutes).

But what I didn’t know when I started this process was that I would have to write an exegesis which is really a thesis by another name. Together, the article and exegesis were 10,000 words. It was such a slog and this is reflected in the grade I got – which was a Credit.

The other reason I didn’t give up and hand in something completely half-arsed was because I really liked my academic supervisor and I didn’t want to disappoint him.

It was agreed by all (including me) that my article was far superior to my exegesis. I could’ve done better, I should’ve but I didn’t. That’s on me. Eh…

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I got gastro in February from Juno. That was not fun. I’ve been pretty well this year. A few sniffles, the usual aches and pains but on the whole, I’ve been good. Still wondering exactly how I’ve managed to avoid getting Covid-19 but I have. The second Pfizer jab certainly put me on my arse for a few days. Got my Moderna booster just before xmas and that left me with an incredibly sore arm and feeling low-grade crappy for about five days.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

So, this is Bertie the Belgie.

Bertie is a 50cm titanium Curve Belgie V3 with:
Curve Race 370 fork
Curve GT4 – 35mm wheels with Continental Grand Prix 5000 28cm tyres
SRAM Force AXS eTap 12sp groupset
ZIPP bars and stem

What does this all mean? It means he was expensive. And he’s the best bike I’ve ever ridden.

I decided at the start of the year I wanted a new bike and I started saving. I then decided I wanted to get my new bike for my 50th birthday, which gave me a date to work towards. The thing is custom builds are expensive (generally well over $10k for a complete bike) and the wait lists are looooong so I might not have enough money to start the process and get the bike built by my own timeline. Dilemma!

Then I came across Curve Cycling who specialise in titanium and steel bikes. They cost less then a full custom build but I was still looking at just under $10k. Perhaps still not achievable.

Second week of November, a post for a Curve Belgie V3 appeared in a buy/sell/swap group on Facebook. The owner was one of the women who works at Curve but she decided she wanted a mountain bike instead so she decided to sell her Belgie to fund it. She wanted $8k which sounds a lot but she’d only ridden the bike about 400kms so I was buying an essentially new bike. (But she’d ridden it enough to do all the annoying bedding-in work.) It was too good an opportunity to pass up and thanks to Richard loaning me half, I bought Bertie within about an hour of him being listed.

Titanium seems to be a love it or hate it material for a bike frame. I had no idea what it would be like to ride so I was taking a huge gamble as I’d been riding a carbon fibre bike for eight years. But it was so worth it. The titanium makes for such a comfortable ride.

The road vibration has been significantly lessened, which is something I was looking for as I wanted to reduce the amount of discomfort I was experiencing thanks to my chronic pain and injuries. I thought I’d never be able to ride without experiencing a degree of pain but I was wrong. End of November, I managed to ride up Mount Buffalo with no pain at all and two days later, Mount Hotham with just a few twinges. The whole lack of pain thing was definitely helped along by getting a bike fit to ensure everything was at the optimal height/position for me.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Richard! For being cool with loaning me $4k from his own new bike fund so I could get Bertie. He’s a good egg 🙂

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Well, you can’t say our federal government has been covering itself in glory in 2021. You’d think they would’ve learnt from the mistakes with the vaccine roll-out but nope, here we are again with rapid antigen tests and PCR tests. It’s such a colossal clusterfuck.

At some point in 2022 there has to be an election. If Scotty from Marketing isn’t a complete moron he won’t do the unthinkable and force us to vote twice in one year as there has to be a half-senate election by May and a House of Reps election by November. But we all know there’s some fucking idiot advisor telling him that splitting the election is the way to not lose and he’s dumb enough to believe them. Elections are really expensive and the majority of Australians hate the hassle of having to vote. Making people do it twice? Not going to win hearts and minds.

14. Where did most of your money go?
See question 11.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to pick up Bertie. I was constantly checking my phone, waiting for the message to tell me he was ready to be brought home. No work got done that day.

16. What song will always remind you of 2021?
Eh…

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Perhaps I will be neutral on this one.

ii. thinner or fatter? Sigh. Fatter.

iii. richer or poorer? Poorer! All of my savings went on Bertie, a choice I will never, ever regret.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Deep breathing. Six year olds are so very, very good at pushing buttons without ever realising what they’re doing.

Also, sleep. Being perimenopausal has totally screwed up my sleep. It started with mild night sweats about two years ago which were easy to ignore but they’d gradually gotten worse and worse until I got to the point every woman loves (not) of waking up saturated in sweat and desperately kicking the sheets off. It was worse in Winter because I’d get insanely hot, kick the covers off and then about a minute later I’d start shivering from the cold. Not fun.

Sleep disruption and deprivation are recognised forms of torture and now I have an inkling of why.

I’m on HRT now. Although it’s called Menopause Hormone Therapy (MHT) these days because HRT is used for to any condition that require hormone replacement (which is extensive). For me personally, it’s been a life improver. However, I was also very realistic in my expectations of what it would and wouldn’t do and was hoping mostly for an end to the night sweats, which it’s pretty much done. I didn’t realise just how profound an effect the night sweats were having on my overall wellbeing until they eased.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Procrastination when it came to my research project. I took so long to get going, even though I knew it was going to be a slog. I finished my exegesis the day it was due in, which isn’t a good thing. I spent far more time on the article and it shows.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With Richard’s family. It was really nice to see them all. I think the last time we saw them was last Christmas so it’s been a long time between drinks.

21. What was your favorite month of 2021?
Definitely not September. And October.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020?
Nope.

23. How many one-night stands?
Unsurprisingly, none.

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
Wandavision and s2 of The Mandalorian.

The Mandalorian definitely wasn’t perfect but I really enjoyed it and of course I squee’d like the Star Wars fangirl that I am when Luke Skywalker appeared. Also intrigued by the Darksabre. What will Din Djarin do with it?

Wandavision… Well, we all know that show was totally stolen by the amazing Kathryn Hahn as Agatha Harkness. I particularly liked the way it dealt with someone struggling with their mental health. The analogy of her grief being like a wave that’s constantly knocking her over is on that can be used for mental health issues as well.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Well, Scott Morrison isn’t exactly my favourite person on the planet…

26. What was the best book you read?
Going with a comic this time… Usagi Yojimbo: The Hidden. It was the last volume published by Dark Horse before Stan Sakai switched to IDW Publishing. They’re colouring his comics now but I’m not sure about that. There was something so pure about them being black and white. But I shall keep reading of course. I’m too invested in the characters not to.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Meh.

28. What did you want and get?
See question 11.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
Hands down, not even a competition… Dune.

Saw it at Imax. Just incredible. Denis Villeneuve took a complex, thought to be unfilmable book and filmed it.

Funnily enough though, I though it suffered from exactly the same story problems as David Lynch’s version (which I happen to like). The time line isn’t clear, especially when compared to the book. We didn’t get to spend a lot of time with Lady Jessica and the Shadout Mapes is a quick sketch, when in the book she’s a quite important character. And we also spent very little time with Doctor Yueh but the time we did spend was kinda enough. Kinda. More would’ve been better.

Villeneuve copped some flak for casting Jason Momoa as Duncan Idaho but I thought it was an inspired choice. He brings a lightness to the scenes he’s in but he’s also intensely ferocious in his protection of Paul. His fighting sequences were easily the best. Although the bout between Paul and Guerney was also incredible. The shields looked exactly how I pictured them in my head whilst reading the books – a shimmer that fades in and out.

And goodness, Stellan Skarsgård was channeling Brando in Apocalypse Now. But in a good way.

Villeneuve is definitely laying the groundwork for at least the second book, Dune Messiah, to be filmed. But after that one, the books go a bit weird. I finished God Emperor of Dune but it really did my head in so I decided I needed a break from the House Atreides, the spice and Arrakis. I understand the message Frank Herbert was trying to get across in the Dune books but God Emperor was just flipping weird and got bogged down in its own mythology. I’m currently making my way though Heretics of Dune, which is turning out to be an improvement after the weirdness and aimlessness of God Emperor.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
It was another lockdown birthday for me. Richard did make me dinner though and he made my favourite: eye fillet with mushroom sauce, potato gratin and some green veg. This year I decided to treat myself to an ice cream cake in an attempt to get over the disappointment of not doing what had been arranged – which was a long weekend at The Lakehouse in Daylesford. There may have also been an exceptional bottle of wine.

I turned 49.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
For there not to be a global pandemic?

Life would also be a good deal less stressful if everyone just wore their masks properly. It doesn’t count if it’s not covering your mouth AND your nose.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2021?
A repeat of 2020? T-shirts and tracksuit pants. Just like everyone else.

34. What kept you sane?
Accepting the fact that I was languishing just like everyone else was. But I still struggled quite a bit. I really felt I was failing as a parent, failing as a partner because I was pushing so much of the homeschooling onto Richard and definitely not achieving much at work either. 2021 was an incredibly difficult year. The sixth lockdown was the hardest one of all.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Eh…

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
These idiotic anti-[insert something here] protesters. Make up your fucking minds about what you’re protesting about. And stop telling people to dO tHeiR oWn ReSEarCh! when it’s so godamn obvious you don’t actually know that means.

All these people banging on about their RIGHTS!!! but totally failing to understand that rights come with responsibilities. And how did these idiots decide to stand up for their rights? They pissed on the Shrine of Remembrance.

37. Who did you miss?
To be honest, I don’t know. Everyone I guess. Being in lockdown so much has made me even more socially withdrawn and inept. I’m finding it hard to readjust. Plus the latest Covid numbers kinda back my stance of as few social interaction as possible.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Hah… you have to actually leave the house with some degree of regularity to meet new people.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2021.
To quote Bluey: I don’t want a valuable life lesson. I just want an ice cream.

But seriously, if in doubt, watch Bluey. If nothing else, it’ll cheer you up.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Meh…

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before?
Bought a bunch of face masks, including two awesome Star Wars ones the day before mask rules were relaxed in Melbourne. I definitely don’t love wearing them (who does?) but they do help me feel less anxious about going to the supermarket or other crowded places.

2. Did you keep your new year resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
To repeat what I always say… I never bother with them. You can decide to makes changes any time you want. It’s up to you if you stick with them, the time of year makes no difference at all.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Remarkably in this year of global pandemic, no. How lucky am I?

5. What countries did you visit?
Bit tricky to go anywhere when your federal government closes your country’s borders. But regardless of that, there were no plans to go anywhere anyway as no one has a valid passport at the moment.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020?
I’m actually a bit stumped by this question. For me personally the last three months of 2020 were actually pretty good (got a job, excellent grades in my Masters subject) so I’m not sure what I could add to make 2021 better.

But for society in general, I hope that we managed to get Covid-19 under control and that a degree of normality returns. However, I hope it’s movement towards a new normal where there is equality and fairness for all.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
August 26. On my birthday (Aug 25), I had a job interview and I wasn’t expecting to hear anything for a few days. But at about 9:30 the following day, I got the call to say I’d gotten the job. It’s the fastest I’ve ever heard back about a job. It was very gratifying.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting a job. Also, riding up Falls Creek and Mount Buffalo back-to-back. Usually I’d put a day between two big efforts like that but this year our trip to Bright was shorter so there wasn’t much choice if I wanted to do the rides.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Juno probably watched far too much TV when we were in lockdown. But we are definitely not unique in this. Sometimes, you just have to take the path of least resistance.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Couple of weeks ago I developed a middle ear infection. Blimey, they hurt! I didn’t feel sick, have a temperature or anything else. My ear just hurt, a lot. A round of antibiotics made it go away.

I also got probably the worst cold I’ve had in ages in July. My head was ridiculously congested and I was sick for 11 days. But the thing I’m most annoyed about is the cold finally broke my six month run of consistently riding every week.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I went on a bit of a splurge when I got my job and bought myself some new cycling kit. There was stuff I actually needed (like new gloves and bib shorts) but I did indulge myself a bought a new jersey too.

I also finally bought a new pair of red heels from the brand who made the shoes I got married in. I love my wedding shoes but I have accepted they are now a size too small so I shouldn’t really wear them as they’re bad for my feet. (But you all know I do occasionally right?)

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Every single essential worker who turned up for work this year. The staff at our hospitals did such an amazing job in what could have only been incredibly frightening and stressful circumstances, especially when they started to get sick too. I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like trying to save people who they knew deep down weren’t going to make it. But they tried anyway.

Also mad props to the cleaners. They faced the same risks but they still turned up to work at a time when their work suddenly got far more complicated and necessary.

I’m gonna go there… Dan Andrews. Yes, massive, massive mistakes were made. The Victorian Government is responsible for the second wave here. However, Dan had the guts to force change at the federal level when it really did look like ScoMo was going to follow Trump’s direction and downplay it all. We owe him because if he and Gladys Berejiklian hadn’t acted as one in March, I imagine there would’ve been so many more deaths and people in hospital – but that doesn’t excuse him for passing the buck when it came to hotel quarantine.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Our federal politicians haven’t exactly covered themselves in glory. The political point-scoring against what happened here in Victoria was disgusting. Both Greg Hunt and Josh Frydenburg are fucking Victorians but neither of them could help sticking the boot in. Apparently it was “We’re all Victorians now” until it became more politically expedient to attack. It was truly vile behaviour and I really hope the constituents of both Flinders and Kooyong remember this when the next federal election rolls around.

14. Where did most of your money go?
See question 11.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The day Juno returned to childcare at the end of September. It had been two and a half very, very long months and I was about to start my new job. She was sick of us, we were sick of her. Going back to childcare was such a blessing and she’s thrived being back there.

16. What song will always remind you of 2020?
This.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Right now, happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? Tiny bit thinner I think. But you wouldn’t know it.
iii. richer or poorer? Richer! Well, I’ve gone from having no money to having some money which is quite the novelty.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I probably should’ve spent more time playing with Juno but I’m more than aware that I’m simply not interested in doing so. Some mothers are totally happy to get down on the floor and play to their kids’ heart’s content but I am not one of them. Is this a bad thing? I’m not sure but I also think that her learning to entertain herself is good thing.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Being so irritated with Juno. A large part of it is because I’m now most definitely peri-menopausal and it can be really hard to manage my emotional responses when she’s being a pain in the arse. Like all five year olds, she can be incredibly irritating and seems to know how to push all of my buttons. Having said that, she’s a child and I’m meant to be the adult. Flying off the handle doesn’t help anyone.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
We spent Christmas with my mum, dad, sister, brother-in-law and their three kids. It was pretty great to see them all after not seeing my sister and her family since the start of the year. Juno has really missed her cousins.

21. What was your favorite month of 2020?
This is one year where no one could possibly have a favourite month, especially those ones we spent in lockdown that felt like they were about billion days long, each.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020?
Nope.

23. How many one-night stands?
Unsurprisingly, none.

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
Binge-watching The Mandalorian was pretty good. Turned it in my favourite Star Wars movie.

And along with everyone else, I really, really liked The Queen’s Gambit. Still don’t understand chess at all but I found the story fascinating. There were cries of it not properly showing the degree of sexism she faced but I actually thought they did it in a more subtle way by her constantly being underestimated by her male opponents (and their petulant behaviour when they lost). Better than being beaten over the head with the message. There is definitely a touch of “black saviour” in Joelene but I loved, loved, loved Moses Ingram in the role and I think she did brilliantly with her limited screen time, so much so I felt she totally stole the scenes she shared with Anya Taylor-Joy.

Also quite liked His Dark Materials. I’m a huge fan of the books but it took me quite awhile to watch this. The casting of Ruth Wilson as Mrs Coulter was pure genius. I also really like the casting for Carlo Boreal which was the exact opposite of how he was described in the books (kinda brilliant move there). More importantly, they got the panserbjørn right.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
The fucking morons who decided the Shrine of Remembrance was a great place to stage a protest are pretty low in my good human being stakes. One thing I found particularly abhorrent was how all the anti-mask protesters were bleating about living in a dictatorship. Uh, no. Just… no.

26. What was the best book you read?
This year I’ve really needed the comfort of favourite books and favourite authors so I’ve been reading Terry Pratchett novels for pretty much the whole year. His books are so comforting to me whilst also being hilarious, well-written and quite snarky.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
See question 16. And also this.

28. What did you want and get?
A job! I got a well-paying, part-time job in the middle of a global pandemic. I was rather chuffed.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
Hhmm… fairly certain I didn’t even make it to a cinema this year. But I’ve already got my ticket for Wonder Woman 1984. It’s getting some pretty uneven reviews but we shall see.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I had a lockdown birthday so Richard cooked me dinner. We had eye fillet with mushroom and red wine sauce, potato gratin and I think it was broccoli for greens. Richard also bought a tub of ice cream from Messina (pistachio praline and choc chip). We opened one of our Crittenden Estate 2012 Cri de Coeur Pinot Noir – turned out it was a little too early for it be opened but it was still pretty good.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
For there not to be a global pandemic?

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020?
Strong in the tracksuit pants and t-shirt vibe, just like everyone else.

34. What kept you sane?
I know I always say this but yet again, it’s been my bike. Cycling is my main way of managing my mental health so if I don’t ride, I go a bit wonky, brain-wise. I guess I’ve learnt that everyone has a thing and cycling happens to be mine.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Eh…

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I took a real interest in the US elections but I think everyone did but the political issue that stirred me the most was Josh Frydenburg tweeting about how worried he was about the mental health of Victorians during lockdown. What an absolute joke. The federal government has done nothing to help Australians with mental health issues. If anything, they’ve actually made it harder for people to get treatment by consistently under-funding the mental health sector and, in some cases, cutting funding to services. It was disgusting to see Frydenburg in particular tweeting about this when he’s from Victoria and should’ve been doing all he could to help us. But he didn’t. He used the issue for political point scoring, which is reprehensible.

And then there was ScoMo all the way back at the start of year, using the bush fires as a photo op. Forcing people to shake his hand so he could attempt to sell the idea that he actually gave a shit about the people who’d lost everything when we all knew he didn’t. Because remember… “I don’t hold a hose, mate”.

37. Who did you miss?
My parents. It’s been a very long year without my mum’s regular trips to Melbourne and not being able to go see them. If nothing else, I’ve learnt this year just how much my mum’s level of involvement in Juno’s life matters.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Khanh, my team lead and the rest of my team. They’re all really nice people and Khanh is so supportive.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020.
That when we want to, a large metropolitan area can actually act as one community. Around five million people live in Melbourne and the majority did the right thing to protect the more vulnerable members of our communities. It was an encouraging thing to experience.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Meh…

1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before?
Quitting a job, effective immediately. When I’ve quit jobs before I’ve always given the required notice. I’ve never quit and then walked out on the same day.

2. Did you keep your new year resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
To repeat what I said last year (and probably the year before) I never bother with them. You can decide to makes changes any time you want. It’s up to you if you stick with them, the time of year makes no difference at all.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully no.

5. What countries did you visit?
Sigh. None. Have to renew my passport before I can go anywhere.

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?
A sense of purpose and direction? But I’d settle for a job.

7. What date from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 14. I turned up at my first ever journalist job, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and determined to make a real go of it. I thought it would be the making of me. I knew it would be hard and that I had so much to learn but I had no clue what I was in for.

Hence the next date that will be forever etched upon my memory:  March 15. This was the day I quit and walked out of that building at lunchtime to never go back. All of my beliefs and what turned out to be illusions about what being a journo was about were completely and utterly shattered.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Enrolling in a Masters of Communication at midyear. It’s the only decent decision I’ve made this year.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Hah… If I listed them all this would be a never-ending post. Suffice to say I was naive when it came to what I thought was my ideal career. Can’t wait for this year to be done so I can put it firmly behind me.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Apart from my mental health issues, I’ve had so many colds and too many migraines. I’ve also had an upper respiratory infection, sinusitis and I got stung by a bee at the end of November. Fun times.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I love, love, love my birds shirt that I bought from Min Found Ena in Northcote. It’s black and covered with white birds. I think it looks pretty good on me so I wear it a lot. I also got treated to a very awesome dress from another local designer just before xmas.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Pretty much anyone who’s under 18 and fighting for their future. They give me so much hope in a time when everything seems so hopeless. If I had my way, I’d chuck all the current batch of politicians out (with a few exceptions) and put the kids in charge. At least those kids don’t bother wasting their breath saying that we have to see all sides when it comes to climate change – which is the most idiotic statement of all time. There are no sides! Science says humans have had a profound effect on the climate and we only have a limited time to avert disaster.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Scott Morrison (I know he’s such an obvious target). He’s a truly terrible prime minister and politician. He’s leading the government of people who are only in it for themselves, which is detrimental to Australia and everyone living here. But there is also a lot of journalists out there who aren’t challenging him or his ministers and are giving the government a free ride which is disappointing to say the least.

14. Where did most of your money go?
I’ve had so little of it this year. I’m still pretty good at wasting what I’ve got though.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I got pretty excited about our annual Bright trip. I was aiming to ride up Mt Hotham but illness killed that idea. Still did plenty of riding and had a good time.

16. What song will always remind you of 2019?
Eh…

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? in comparison to last year, sadder.
ii. thinner or fatter? a tiny bit thinner.
iii. richer or poorer? poorer. So much poorer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I wish I’d been a better partner. Richard has put up with so much shit this year and it’s all been caused by my inability to make good decisions. I know we can’t see how things will turn out and there’s no way I could’ve known how the journo job would go but I feel I’ve really struggled to be a good partner to him, which is sad. And to be honest, everything has been a struggle, even getting off the couch. There were many days when I didn’t even want to ride my bike and everyone knows I usually always want to ride my bike.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Feeling so paralysed by indecision and spending too much time in my own head. I wish I’d been be able to better deal with my mental health issues but I’m not sure I was even depressed and that’s what my ‘treatment’ was based around. The way I felt was so different from how I’ve felt before. I simply couldn’t decide what to do with myself and that everything I was doing was wrong. It felt like every choice was a bad choice. When I did get a freelance writing gig, I totally screwed it up because I got so trapped inside my head.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With the in-laws.

21. What was your favorite month of 2019?
Didn’t have one this year.

22. Did you fall in love in 2019?
Nope.

23. How many one-night stands?
Unsurprisingly, none.

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
The Mandalorin. Signed up to Disney+ to get it. Hasn’t disappointed. Love the fact that episodes are as long as they need to be and that each one is so complete. Love the music and the artwork they show at the end credits is amazing every week.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
That would require me to care enough about something.

26. What was the best book you read?
I really enjoyed The Testaments by Margaret Atwood. I liked the idea of having three narrators to tell the story. I guess I’m fortunate because I wasn’t expecting another The Handmaid’s Tale but apparently so many people were and were left disappointed. I got what I wanted – which was to find out what happened next. I usually hate books written in the first person but Atwood is one of the few authors who does it really, really well.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
One day I’ll find something new. One day…

28. What did you want and get?
Apparently I’m shallow but I really, really wanted this dress and I was treated to it just before xmas.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
Captain Marvel. Just loved it. I thought Brie Larson was great as Carol Danvers and I loved the buddy-movie vibe between her and Nick Fury. I also thought the plot twist was well done. It also has the best use of a song in a film in my humble opinion. The use of Nirvana’s Come As You Are was brilliant, just brilliant.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was taken to see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. We did it all in one day (on my actual birthday) so it included dinner at Cumulus Inc and a night in a hotel. The play was excellent and I really loved how good the stage craft was. I’d already read play and I did wonder how they were going to pull off some stuff. It was all very clever and the actors did a fine job.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
This is hard for me because the obvious answer would be to have found the right job and to be happily learning the ropes of being a journalist. But that’s so obvious. Too obvious? I don’t know.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019?
Eh…

34. What kept you sane?
Went back on anti-depressants for a bit. Did another round of therapy. Still trying to work my shit out.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Meh.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I got pretty cranky about Scott Morrison doing so little about the fires in NSW and then nicking off to Hawaii for a holiday. I think what bothered me the most is that he keeps shoving his family out as a defence for going on holidays. He promised his daughters so he felt compelled to do it. He has such a tin ear.

37. Who did you miss?
Me. I have no feaken clue who I am at the moment. I feel like I’ve totally lost my sense of self and I feel utterly useless so much of the time.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
David and Florence, Juno’s kinder teachers and carers at childcare. It’s amazing to see how much she’s grown this year.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019.
I don’t think I’ve learnt a valuable life lesson this year. I keep thinking that life and the universe doesn’t like me very much at the moment.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Eh…

1. What did you do in 2018 that you’d never done before?
Interviewed people for articles. I found I really enjoyed doing it and I loved the whole process of taking what someone told me an turning it into an article that could be shared.

2. Did you keep your new year resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I never bother with them. You can decide to makes changes any time you want. It’s up to you if you stick with them, the time of year makes no difference at all.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My grandmother. She was over 100 years old so it didn’t really come as a shock or a surprise but it was recent (only two weeks ago) and it’s proving hard for me to process. I feel bad because I’m not overly grief-struck by her death but she had lost so much in the last few years – her independence because she had to move into care, her freedom and, to a degree, her dignity (so many medical tests). When you think about it within that context, her dying is more like a kindness.

“After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”
Albus Dumbledore

5. What countries did you visit?
Sigh. None. My passport has expired anyway.

6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?
A job. I’d like to have a job, doing something that I want to do.

7. What date from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
To be honest, this year has been one big blur so nothing stands out. There were times the only reason I knew which day of the week it was was because it’s on the tool bar of my laptop.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I should say successfully completing my grad dip in journalism but the thing I’m actually the proudest of is achieving my yearly goal to ride 6750kms in 2018, which I set for myself on Strava. I initially set a goal of 5oookm at the start of the year, thinking it would be a realistic goal but I hit that in September. I ended up extending it three times before finally settling on 6750kms. I hit that on xmas eve. It was just nice to achieve a challenge – even if it was a totally arbitrary one I’d set myself.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I think I could’ve worked harder in my course. I could’ve done better in audio visual journalism (for which I got a Credit). But it was a tough subject for me and I really hated being in front of the camera. When I looked at any footage of me all I could see was how much weight I’ve put on in the last year. I shuddered every time I had to watch myself. My lecturer kept saying that what we look like on camera isn’t what we look like in real life but I don’t know, a camera can’t make stuff up.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I went through a period where it would take me two or three goes to get up from the couch/chair/bed because I’d experience a horrendous stabbing pain down my back and in my right leg. Turns out I’ve developed sciatica due to a problematic disc (either grown a bone spur that’s pokes into the nerves when I get into the wrong position or the disc itself isn’t in quite the right place so it’s pinching the nerve). With some work and a better understanding of what was going on, it’s under control now and I’ve gone from having the pain numerous times a day to barely having an episode at all.

Also developed conjunctivitis in my right eye which then spread to the left one at the end of September. Couldn’t have happened at a worse time because it was when I had an important assignment due and found myself unable to use any of the equipment I needed to because it’s so contagious. My lecturer was very nice and gave me an extra few days so I could recover before borrowing the camera I needed to use. I was surprised at how much it hurt. My eyes were so irritated and I couldn’t use a computer or read for very long.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
All the stuff I bought from Velocio. They’ve become my go-to brand for my cycling kit. Their bib shorts are the best. They came up with a very clever design involving a zip for easier toilet stops which means I don’t have to essentially get undressed if I need to go to the loo. Might not sound like a big thing but you try going for a wee in the middle of winter when it’s around 5°C and you have to take your jacket/gillet and jersey off to get your bib shorts down! Those stretchy straps and the little zip on the back of the shorts make all the difference in the world.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
All those judges and lawyers in America who keep smacking down Trump’s insane executive orders. Now, that’s a man who needs to learn he’s not above the law.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
So many fails from our politicians. So many.

14. Where did most of your money go?
For someone who wasn’t working, I certainly managed to buy myself a lot of cycling gear. I also bought myself some really nice dresses and shoes.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
To be honest, this year has gone by in a blur and nothing stands out. It’s been an intense year which makes it hard for individual days or events to stand out in my mind.

16. What song will always remind you of 2018?
Eh…

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? in comparison to last year, happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? fatter. Sigh.
iii. richer or poorer? poorer. So much poorer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I feel like I’ve been remarkably selfish this year, focusing a lot on myself and what is good for me over what’s good for the other important people in my life. So I guess I feel that I should’ve been more present for Richard and Juno. I don’t think I’m a particularly brilliant mother. I get frustrated with Juno so often and I just wish she’d co-operate with me instead of making the small stuff so hard on occasion. But she’s just being a three year old and I’m expecting far too much from her. I guess I’m doing the best I can and I’m trying to be a good role model for her by showing her that just because I’m the mum I don’t have to give up everything I want, which has been the gold standard for mothering. Too often you see the mum looking drained, worn out and at the end of her tether because there’s no time for her. That’s not for this little black duck!

I guess in a lot of people’s eyes that makes me really selfish and a terrible mum but, eh… what I do care about what others think? I’ve got a pretty happy, healthy and smart toddler so I guess I’m not doing too bad.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Spend money that I really shouldn’t have. Far too much impulse buying for me this year, which means I burnt through money that I was meant to be saving for a custom bike build.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my extended family. It was hot and noisy.

21. What was your favorite month of 2018?
November. Mostly because I got heaps of riding in and rode up a few mountains as well.

22. Did you fall in love in 2018?
Nope.

23. How many one-night stands?
Unsurprisingly, none.

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown. It’s meant to be about the food but he did some incredible investigative journalism for someone who was “just” a chef. It was a good day when I discovered the show had been added to Netflix in Australia.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nope. I only have a finite amount of time and energy so why waste it?

26. What was the best book you read?
I reread a lot of Terry Pratchett novels, including the Tiffany Aching ones. I know a lot of people didn’t like the series after A Hat Full of Sky but I loved the books and think they are some of Sir Terry’s best. Every time I read The Shepherd’s Crown I can’t but think of how amazing Sir Terry was and how much he must’ve struggled against the Alzheimer’s that was slowly stripping him of his prodigious talent.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I’m not sure nursery rhymes and music for children counts as that great a musical discovery.

28. What did you want and get?
I guess in the end I really wanted my grad dip. Still waiting for the actual testamur to arrive in the mail because I didn’t go to the graduation ceremony. I did work pretty hard to achieve this but it’s still rolling around in my brain that I’m not 100% sure what I achieved. But it will be nice to see the certificate when it arrives – make it all official and everything.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
I really enjoyed Bohemian Rhapsody. It was nice to watch a bio film that wasn’t bogged down in scandal or emphasising one thing over another. It was about Freddie Mercury as a performer and how much he needed his band-mates to fully unleash his genius. Plus the music was fantastic and I can’t believe the amount of work they put into the Live Aid scenes.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I got taken away for a long weekend on the Morning Peninsula. We stayed a very fancy hotel which was located in a vineyard and had dinner on my birthday in the newest fancy restaurant on the Peninsula. The child was at home with grandma so the real treat was getting some adult time. I turned 46.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I think I could’ve stood to be more organised when it came to my academic work. Quite a few things were left until the last minute when they shouldn’t have been. It probably would’ve reduced the amount of stress and anxiety I felt. But still, only one assignment was handed in after the due date and that was because of the bout of conjunctivitis.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?
I have no clue. I don’t think I have one. Comfort is quite high on the list.

34. What kept you sane?
My bike. I made the decision to go off my anti-depressants in August so I’ve been managing my mental well-being with exercise. So far it’s working.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Joined the band wagon in thinking that Jason Momoa is a bit of alright (after finally watching him in Justice League where he was hilarious).

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I got rather irritated with Dutton for saying that Melbourians were afraid to go out for dinner because of roaming African youth gangs. And then Mattthew Guy tried to run his election campaign on a similar vein. What a load of garbage!

I’m definitely not denying that there’s something going on with African (usually South Sudanese) youth but to make it sound like everyone in Melbourne was locked up in their houses, totally terrified of one particular cultural group is about as racist as it can possibly get. But it was funny how the media failed to report on a riot in Lorne in January until The Guardian ran with the story. The perpetrators? A pack of drunk white boys.

37. Who did you miss?
Umm… to be honest, no one.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Deanne, my myotherapist. She chastised me for not stretching after riding, worked out what was going on with my back, diagnosed over-extended hip flexors and weak glutes as being one of my major issues when riding and has been working on getting me better since about the middle of the year. And she was right about the weak glutes, over-worked hip flexors and the not stretching.

It was after a session with her where I promised to stretch after riding that the pain I was experiencing while riding stopped being as severe. I thought that pain was normal for me when I rode my bike but she has convinced me that it’s not normal and that I can do something about it. The first time I rode without pain was amazing. And all because I’d started stretching (again).

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018.
You’re never too old to chase your dreams.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Eh…