Tag Archives: Wellbeing

A question of fitness

July 8, 2014 16:43 | Leave a Comment |

I kinda had an huh moment a few weeks ago. I was out on a ride with friends. My friend H (one of the many Hs I know!) and I were paired up and both of us whinging out how unfit we are.

Which seems kinda weird when we’d just ridden 50kms.

Yup, we’d just knocked over a 50km ride at a not too shabby pace and we were both whinging out how unfit we were. That’s weird. But I’m guessing that there are plenty of people our age would struggle to ride 10kms, let alone 50. Hell, there are plenty of people out there who’d be out of breath after a short stroll.

I guess it’s a case of what “fit” means to the individual. My definition of fitness is probably quite different from the average person’s.

For me being fit means that I can smash out 28 minute boulie laps a couple of times a week. Right now I’m struggle to get under 31 minutes – which means I’ve slowed down a lot. (However, I must say that boulie lap times are hugely influenced by strength as well as fitness. I feel very weak on the bike at the moment.) That says to me that I’m unfit and I need to work a good deal harder if I want to returning to my former ways.

Returning to the gym seemed like such a good idea but I seem to be suffering from perpetually heavy legs. Getting on the bike is really hard work. It feels like it’s taking a huge amount of effort to get going. I’m pretty much okay once I’m rolling but ack… the effort to get there kinda sucks. On the flip side, it is nice to feel some muscle firmness in my shoulders and chest. The rest of me might suck but at least that bit is sorting itself out.

Anyhoo… fitness. How you define it. What it actually means to a person.

Uh… yeah.

Posted in: Bike, Blatherings | Tagged: , , , ,

Starting fresh… again.

May 16, 2014 16:06 | Leave a Comment |

Got all motivated, rejoined the gym and even bought new running shoes. See?
New ASICS runners
Then I promptly got a cold. So no gym for me.

My gym program is sitting there, waiting for me and I’m physically incapable of even being shown through it. I get out of breath going up the stairs at the moment.

This will be the third time I’ve endeavoured to lose weight. I guess that’s to my advantage. I’ve done it twice now. Okay, it should’ve only been once but being sick for three months kinda prevents one from going the gym. Anyhoo… yes. Gym. Going. Exercise. Being motivated. Yup.

I’m going to try a slightly different mental approach this time. Last time it was all about losing weight rather than being healthy. So I figure this time it should be about being healthy and letting the weight loss – which will hopefully happen – be a side effect. A good one but still a side effect. I don’t think I’ll drop any sizes or anything but I’m hoping dresses that I’d struggle to squeeze into at the moment will fit again. (Plus Richard bought me this absolutely gorgeous dress that I definitely want to make sure I still fit into.)

I guess the other this is that I want to make sure I can still fit into my wedding dress. The idea was to wear it again at some point and it’s too beautiful to leave rolled up in its dress bag (yes, rolled – you don’t hang dresses like that one). At the moment I doubt I’d be able to wear it with any style or grace.

Hhmm… I suppose that’s me wanting to lose weight. D’oh!

I’m hoping I get a gym program that’s all about building upper body strength. I’ve worked so hard to improve my core but I think I’m still having back pain because the rest of me is so weak. When I was going the gym regularly, my back barely troubled me at all. My back still hurts after 18 months of clinical pilates even though I know my core strength has massively improved. It doesn’t hurt as much but it hasn’t been the miracle solution I hoped it would be. Maybe over-all strength is the next logical thing to try.

To be honest, I’m also hoping it’ll make cycling easier for me. I’m hoping some upper body strength will make climbing easier. I’m pretty certain that lack of upper body strength is what makes it so difficult for me. I hurt when I climb, my back just aches so why would I want to do it? I’m not accomplishing the things my friends are because the pain holds me back.

This all sounds like I have utterly unrealistic expectations of what to happen but having done this before, I know what my body is capable of. I guess what’s to my advantage is that even though the weight is sneaking back on, it’s nowhere near like it was. A lower starting point is a good thing and I’m not expecting to magically lose a huge amount of weight. I only want to shift a couple of kilos.

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You can call me the tubster

February 4, 2014 12:16 | Leave a Comment |

Actually, on second thought, don’t.

The weight starting sneaking back when I hurt my back in 2012 after doing Amy’s Gran Fondo. It was pretty bad. My ability to exercise dropped way off because I simply couldn’t move like I once did. I did shed some weight in 2013 but it seemed like it was only temporary. I did manage to get back down to 70kg for the wedding but that’s only because I had listeria poisoning. Three weeks before the wedding I was 72.5kg. How do I remember this when the wedding was six months ago? Because I was genuinely shocked at dropping 2.5kg in a week.

(Still, that’s not as bad as when I did Amy’s Ride on a 45°C day and dropped from 69kg to 66kg. *coughs* I was a wee bit dehydrated. But it all came back on after a few days as it should’ve.)

Anyhoo… I weighed myself this morning. I am a very bleugh 74kg, up last week from 73.8kg. I have clothes that I know I would struggle to fit into at my current weight. Beautiful dresses that I can’t wear because I’ve become too much of a tubby. But I don’t know… That’s my impression of myself. I think I look I’m about the size of elephant but it’s patently not true.

After all, compare this:
Lauren in a sparkly dark blue dress

with this:
Fat Lauren

The top photo was taken four days ago. The bottom one is from 2005. There is a visible difference between the two photos. My face is no longer all puffy and apparently I’ve started buying much better bras. 😛

I can see that I’m slimmer in the first photo but I feel like I look like I did in the second photo. Which is stupid. I know that I should be concerned about my weight gain because it’s not too healthy. But I know I’m concerned about my weight gain because of how I think I look. I should be worrying about my health and not give two figs about what I look like. I had two sets of blood tests done in 2013 and both came back saying I was extremely healthy. Even with the extra weight, I’m in rude health and not at risk of any major illness – like diabetes for example.

And that’s what I should be concerned about.

I should be concerned about doing what I need to do to keep myself healthy. I’ve always had a bit of a problem with fat acceptance (which seems to say that it’s okay to be fat regardless of the consequences) but I’ve tended to agree with the message of the health at any size concept. I have just as much value at size 16 as I did when I was a size 12. I’m still the same person. However, I was horrendously unhealthy when I was size 16 (and accelerating towards 18 and higher). I couldn’t get up a small flight of stairs without being out of breath and feeling like my heart was going to burst right out of my chest. I didn’t feel any sense of wellness, even though I wasn’t sick. The initial weight loss was liberating, not because I looked better but because I could move freely. I felt well. I felt good.

I guess that at the moment I’m struggling to like my body as it currently is. I feel fat and bloated. I feel like I’m sluggish and slow (although this morning’s ‘power lap’ on Yarra Boulevard says otherwise!). Maybe I feel like my body has betrayed me because I have put on weight. We’re in a struggle when we shouldn’t be.

After all, my body really is amazing. It does some really cool things like regulate my temperature, keeps my heart beating, controls my muscles so I can type and scratch my temple (which I just did) without me even being conscious of it. Well, I’m aware that I’m typing but I’m not telling my fingers to type a conscious level. It’s not the enemy.

It’s my thinking that’s the problem. I need to change the perception I have of myself, if that makes sense. I know I’m never going to be model thin and, to be honest, I don’t want to be. But I can’t help but wish I was slimmer. The bizarre thing about thinking like this is that I’m not sure what being slimmer would really do for me. Well, one obvious answer is that it’d make riding up mountains a hell of a lot easier! But apart from that, I have no clue. Being slimmer isn’t going to make me more successful at work – my brain needs to do that. Being slimmer isn’t going to net me a husband – already got one. Being slimmer isn’t going to suddenly lead to fame and fortune – not that I want to be famous anyway (some extra fortune would be nice though *lol*).

So how do I change my thinking? Maybe I need to simplify it. I mean, all I really care about is being able to ride my bike and having a quiet simple life. So… can I ride my bike as I am right now? Yes, I can. Does my appearance when I’m on my bike and fully kitted up really matter? Well, no. It’s not like I can see my arse or my flabby guts when I’m riding anyway. Does my husband love and accept me as I am right now? The way he is with me suggests a most definite yes. Does he care about the way I look? Maybe a little bit but it’s because he wants me to be healthy. It’s not about me being fat. Am I going to be any better off if I suddenly lost 10kg? Possibly but the effort that would go into doing it would make me pretty unhappy. And maintaining it wouldn’t be a lot of fun either.

So, what now? 10 years ago I probably would’ve been in tears by now and stuffing my face with chocolate. Or ice cream. And making a bad situation even worse. I’m more than aware that I always give into temptation. I love chocolate. I love ice cream. I love cake. So maybe the solution is to love them a little less. And to be honest – get over it. All this angst about how I look is idiotic and a huge waste of time. I look the way I look.

So there you go, self! Build a bridge and get over it!!

Posted in: Blatherings | Tagged: , , , ,