Monthly Archives: June 2010

It’s 9:15 on a Sunday morning and I’m not out riding my bike. What’s wrong with this picture?

I have zero motivation to do so at the moment. I’m actually still lying in bed. I pulled my blind up a little so I can see that it’s not raining and probably won’t rain but I just can’t be bothered to get up. Plus there’s this whole thing of having my legs squeal in pain every time I move after yesterday’s heavy-on-the-legs group training session.

Whinge, whinge, whinge.

What I should be doing is remembering that it’s okay to not get on the bike every single weekend. That I am allowed to have a rest. The weather also isn’t helping. It’s hard to get motivated to get out of bed when you know it’s only around 6 – 8°C and if there’s any wind at all it makes it feel even colder. I am looking forward to the day when going for a ride doesn’t involve putting on multiple layers of clothing in an attempt to keep warm. It’ll also be nice to not have to ride in the dark so much, although it is pretty amazing to see the sunrise. I’ve seen a few where the sky looks like it’s on fire. Still, not going to miss the numb feet (even with fleecy overshoes) or the cold ears.

There’s also no rule that says I have to go for a ride in the morning. Maybe I’ll feel motivated later in the day to go out and that’s fine too. At least it’ll be a little warmer.

I suppose there’s an obvious answer to what’s causing my lack of motivation – this being that I have to find a new place to live as the owner wants to move in. If I’d decided to move off my own bat I think I’d have a much more positive attitude about it. Having a deadline by which we must be gone is more than a little intimidating. However, my brother put it best when he said I was looking at this the wrong way and I should embrace it as an opportunity for a fresh start. And I think he’s probably right.

Right now I think a fresh start would be an excellent idea. I’ve found myself feeling angry so much of the time and I feel really dissatisfied with the direction my life has been taking. I’m not a fan of the person I’ve become in the last few months so this is an opportunity to do something about it. To a degree I feel that I have very little control over what happens in my life and going out on my own again is a way to wrest that control back. New home equals new opportunities and a chance to work out what I’m doing at my own pace without any outside pressure or influences. Financially it’s going to suck as living on your own isn’t cheap but I’m choosing to think of it as investing in my well-being.

My first reaction was to panic. Two months seems like such a short time to find somewhere to live. But panicking serves no one and I need to have faith that everything will work itself out. It’s happened before so there’s no reason to think it won’t happen again. I just have to keep telling myself that I will find somewhere to live and that there’s no need to freak out. Chances are it won’t be my dream home but I’m sure I’ll find somewhere that’ll be okay. Also, if I’m honest, as much I love this house, there are some thing I will not miss about it – like the rather loud religious chanting in Greek that’s being played next door right now.

This whole growing up thing sucks. It’s not fun when you realise you’ve actually made a bit of a mess of your life. Still, helps to remember that life is nothing but progression – gotta be with the whole moving forward.