Monthly Archives: August 2013

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Because sometimes TV gets it right

Anya: Okay. For the last time. I, Anya, want to marry you, Xander, because I love you and I’ll always love you. And before I knew you, I was like a completely different person. Not even a person, really. And I had seen what love could do to people, and it was hurt and sadness. Alone was better. And then, suddenly there was you, and… you knew me. You saw me, and it was this… thing. You make me feel safe and warm. So, I get it now. I finally get love, Xander. I really do.

Hell’s Bells, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 6, ep 6.

Yup, I’m gettin’ hitched in six days.

So, about those life changing decisions…

So…. in April last year I announced I was engaged (and had gotten engaged in the most romantic city in the world – Paris). And that was it. I haven’t mentioned it since. Which is kinda weird considering it’s such a monumental thing.

In 13 days, I’ll be getting married.

I’m a somewhat reluctant bride. I love the idea of being married, that makes me really happy. But I’m very ambivalent about this whole wedding thing. I’ve never enjoyed being the centre of attention. And a wedding is all about that. I’m suppose to fluttering about, hugely excited about this very fact and I’m the exact opposite of that. I love my wedding dress but I quickly got sick of the whole getting it fitted process. I can’t wait to wear it but I’m worried about getting in and out of it. It’s not a step-into dress, it’s an over-the-head dress which complicates the hair and make-up process. And speaking of that – I’m trying to be excited about having people fuss over me, doing my make-up and hair but I’m simply not.

I’ve found the whole process of organising a wedding stressful. I’ve had so many comments about how organised I am so I must be putting out this placid, calm vibe but really, it’s a frenzy of activity. No one really tell you how much needs to be organised and how, towards the end, it will suck up all of your free time. It’s exhausting.

So yeah, I guess I’ve become very negative when it comes to the wedding. I figure I should do something about that and start focusing what’s good about it. Because really, it’s not about the wedding – it’s all about what happens afterwards.

It took me a long time to rid myself of the stupid idea of there being “the one”. I realise now that the best we can hope for when it comes to relationships and marriage is to find someone who you really like as a person. I’m lucky enough to have found that, especially considering I’m a cranky old lady these days.

I dunno… maybe I’ve finally worked out that real success in relationships comes from being willing to be open and truly yourself. And that you have to be willing to properly communicate with each other without getting angry. And I guess that other big thing is acceptance. I feel accepted by him, he doesn’t judge me. Even we when first got together that I have his total support. He lets me do my own thing yet also makes me like I have someone who will catch me if it all goes wrong. I’m not sure I’ve ever had that before. I hope he feels that I give him the same level of support.

So, perhaps that’s what I should be focusing one when it comes to the wedding. It’s where the rest of our relationship starts.