{"id":2718,"date":"2015-06-26T22:25:23","date_gmt":"2015-06-26T12:25:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/hatfullofsky.net\/littlewords\/?p=2718"},"modified":"2015-06-27T09:31:41","modified_gmt":"2015-06-26T23:31:41","slug":"two-months","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hatfullofsky.net\/littlewords\/2015\/06\/26\/two-months\/","title":{"rendered":"Two months"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.hatfullofsky.net\/littlewords\/wp-content\/2Months01Crop-269x300.jpg\" alt=\"Two months old\" width=\"269\" height=\"300\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-2717\" srcset=\"https:\/\/hatfullofsky.net\/littlewords\/wp-content\/2Months01Crop-269x300.jpg 269w, https:\/\/hatfullofsky.net\/littlewords\/wp-content\/2Months01Crop.jpg 500w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 269px) 100vw, 269px\" \/>It&#8217;s hard to believe it&#8217;s been two months. Two months since you crashed into my life with a suddenness that was overwhelming.<\/p>\n<p>Every day is a new adventure. You&#8217;re never the same. It seems that each day you&#8217;re doing something new, exploring your ever-expanding world. You eyes seem brighter, more focused. You watch me now, look at shadows, stare intently at the ceiling and I can only wonder what you&#8217;re seeing.<\/p>\n<p>Your hands are still constantly curled into a fists and I wonder when that will stop. However, you are starting to use your hands more, curling and uncurling your fingers. You&#8217;ve started kicking your feet when you&#8217;re excited. Or upset. You poke your tongue out all the time, like you&#8217;re trying to taste the world. Best of all, you&#8217;ve started smiling. If I&#8217;m lucky, you give me a huge smile in the morning when you wake up and realise I&#8217;m standing at your cot, ready to pick you up. And it&#8217;s nice. It&#8217;s nice to be smiled at when previously all you did was frown at me.<\/p>\n<p>I watch you with your daddy and it&#8217;s such a beautiful thing to see. You smile at him, almost silently laughing. You&#8217;re so peaceful when you&#8217;re curled up in his lap asleep, your head on his chest. His hand reaches right across your tiny back and it seems like for you it&#8217;s the safest place in the world. Eventually &#8211; and probably earlier than we think &#8211; you&#8217;ll be too big to curl up in our laps and go to sleep. We won&#8217;t be able to make you happy by simply holding you close. We won&#8217;t be your safe place in the world.<\/p>\n<p>Right now there&#8217;s so much I don&#8217;t understand about you. So many times I&#8217;ve struggled to make you happy because I don&#8217;t know what you need and you can&#8217;t tell me. I feel so out of my depth. This is something I never expected I&#8217;d do. I never thought I&#8217;d have a child. Other times I feel that you deserve someone better than me to be your mum. So often it feels like I&#8217;m doing the wrong things with you. I&#8217;m so unsure that what I&#8217;m doing is okay, that I&#8217;m not somehow already messing you up.<\/p>\n<p>I guess all I can do is give you my time and love. If I can do that, then I think you&#8217;ll turn out okay.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.hatfullofsky.net\/littlewords\/wp-content\/2MonthsBW.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"550\" height=\"395\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-2719\" srcset=\"https:\/\/hatfullofsky.net\/littlewords\/wp-content\/2MonthsBW.jpg 550w, https:\/\/hatfullofsky.net\/littlewords\/wp-content\/2MonthsBW-300x215.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 550px) 100vw, 550px\" \/><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It&#8217;s hard to believe it&#8217;s been two months. Two months since you crashed into my life with a suddenness that was overwhelming. Every day is a new adventure. You&#8217;re never the same. It seems that each day you&#8217;re doing something new, exploring your ever-expanding world. You eyes seem brighter, more focused. You watch me now, look at shadows, stare intently at the ceiling and I <span class=\"ellipsis\">&hellip;<\/span> <span class=\"more-link-wrap\"><a href=\"https:\/\/hatfullofsky.net\/littlewords\/2015\/06\/26\/two-months\/\" class=\"more-link\"><span>Read More &rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[461],"tags":[459,470,468],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hatfullofsky.net\/littlewords\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2718"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hatfullofsky.net\/littlewords\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hatfullofsky.net\/littlewords\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hatfullofsky.net\/littlewords\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hatfullofsky.net\/littlewords\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2718"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/hatfullofsky.net\/littlewords\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2718\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2725,"href":"https:\/\/hatfullofsky.net\/littlewords\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2718\/revisions\/2725"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hatfullofsky.net\/littlewords\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2718"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hatfullofsky.net\/littlewords\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2718"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hatfullofsky.net\/littlewords\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2718"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}