1. What did you do in 2015 that you’d never done before?
Had a baby.
2. Did you keep your new year resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Eh. Who needs them?
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Me? I’m pretty close to me. 😛
4. Did anyone close to you die?
5. What countries did you visit?
None. Any overseas trips are most definitely a few years into the future.
6. What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015?
100% ownership of my own body. Some days I’m so touched out it’s ridiculous. I never knew that was a thing until I had a baby. It’s most definitely a thing.
7. What date from 2015 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
26 April, 5:14pm. The moment I went from never having kids to having a daughter.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
On a very personal level… Riding up not one but two mountains! I didn’t think I’d be able to make it up the summit of Donna Buang but I did. A month later, I did it again; this time it was Fall’s Creek.
I had so many doubts about whether or not I’d be able to reach the summit of Donna. I was six months post-baby and it was definitely ambitious. But I did it. It was really hard but I did it. I didn’t feel the sense of accomplishment until later but I guess it shows that having a baby doesn’t have to mean never doing the things you want to do. And it doesn’t mean you can’t do the things you did pre-baby.
I had a friend give me some good advice on the day. He said If you picture yourself failing, you will. Picture yourself at the summit. I think that’s pretty good advice for life in general.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I dunno. If I hadn’t got myself some help with the breastfeeding I think that would’ve been. Sometimes I can’t believe we’re still going now when at the beginning I was struggling so much. It got down to a day-by-day decision as to whether or not to continue. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to stop, that I’d decided to give up and switch to formula. But I didn’t. We’re at eight months now and still going strong. Down to three feeds a day but Juno starts and ends her day being breastfed.
Uh… that didn’t answer the question at all did it? Okay… my biggest failure was not being able to stop myself buying so many cute things for Juno. I mean really, how many t-shirts, oneies, skirts, dresses and pants does she need?!
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I got a cold in late February. Once I got it, I couldn’t get rid of it. I had it for the last two and half months of my pregnancy. It sucked. Juno and I both got colds when she was about seven weeks old. I was miserable, she was her normal happy self. Breastfeeding became a bit of an issue though.
Then there’s the elephant in the room… I knew there was a really good chance I would get post-natal depression. And I did. Breastfeeding was toe-curlingly painful and I was really struggling with everything. It all came to a head one day when Juno was around four weeks old. I just couldn’t get out of bed. I would look at Juno and wish that she wasn’t there. I couldn’t care for her. I just lay there.
Later that day I called a specialist psychologist who I had a referral for and got myself some help. Being able to recognise what was happening to me probably saved me. It’s something that we don’t like to talk about because the perception of motherhood is all love, cuddles and joy. And that’s such a fallacy.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Bike trailer for Juno. Haven’t used it yet but I’m hanging out to do so. We also bought an absolutely amazing vintage Polish Art poster.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Hillary, my physiotherapist. She has been a huge, huge part of my post-baby recovery. She has helped me in so many ways and is kind, compassionate and has amazing hands.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
The bastard who stole two of our bikes. My commuter got taken and Richard lost his single speed. Whoever it was came prepared with bolt-cutters to cut through the lock.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Juno. I have spent so much money on cute little outfits for her. Also once I got back into it, I’ve spent a lot of money on new cycling kit. More than I meant to. Oops.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I want to say Juno’s birth but by the time it came around I was so over being pregnant that I just wanted her out. And when it came to take her home I was still in shock over the birth and the abruptness of her arrival. It seems that I’m too tired these days to get really excited about anything.
16. What song will always remind you of 2015?
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Let me put it this way – the highs are high but the low are really freaken low.
ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner! But I am no longer growing a whole human being inside me.
iii. richer or poorer? Poorer.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Doubting myself as a parent. This parenting gig is freaken hard work without constantly doubting yourself. All I can do is my best and what I think is best for Juno.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With Richard’s family. Juno had more fun with the wrapping paper than she did with her presents but that’s to be expected.
21. What was your favorite month of 2015?
To be honest, it’s all been one big blur. No month in particular really stands out.
22. Did you fall in love in 2015?
23. How many one-night stands?
24. What was your favourite TV programme?
Daredevil. It was so good. The casting was pretty much spot on (except for the actor who plays Foggy – just don’t buy him as the character). And surprisingly enough Supergirl. It’s nice to have a show that’s not all dark and depressing. Kara has her angsty moments but it’s nice to have something that’s about finding the light.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nope. Hate is a pretty wasteful so why put any energy towards it?
26. What was the best book you read?
The Shepherd’s Crown. Terry Pratchett’s last ever novel. *sniff* The day I found out he’d died, I just cried and cried. But he certainly had one big surprise in store with this book. It’s such a great read and a very fitting end for the Discworld series. (Now to hope that it gets left alone and that a greedy publisher doesn’t try to cash in on it by getting someone else to write books.)
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Still listening to the same stuff I always have. But I haven’t really had the time this year.
28. What did you want and get?
A healthy baby. And thankfully that’s exactly what I got.
30. What was your favourite film of this year?
I didn’t really make it to the cinema that much this year but like everyone else, my fav was definitely the new Star Wars movie. Sure it had flaws but it captured the spirit of the original films. Plus, kick-arse female protagonist!
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was meant to be taken out for lunch but I had a cold so that got cancelled. Still managed to have a nice day at home with Richard and Juno.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Having a little more confidence in my parenting skills. And worrying a good deal less about what other people thought of said skills. Juno is my baby therefore I know her best and I know what’s right for her.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2015?
Who knows?! I don’t have one. I’m a first-time mum. I’m allowed to not have one.
34. What kept you sane?
So, towards the end of the July I had a truly shit day. I felt like I was the worst mum on the planet and I simply wasn’t coping. I decided I had to go for a ride the next day come hell or high water. The forecast wasn’t great – it was cold, windy and rain was expected. But I still went for a ride. I got on my bike and just went. I’d been riding for about 10 minutes when I started to cry. I’d forgotten how awesome being out on my bike was. Yes, I’d missed it intensely but I’d forgotten what it felt like. My relief and happiness was so intense, there was no other way to express it except cry.
You can tell when I haven’t been riding enough. My ability to cope plummets, everything becomes too hard. But get me out on the bike for a few hours and I’m so much better.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Thought it was pretty shit how the government announced they were cutting their meager paid parental scheme on mother’s day. Calling women double dippers was pretty low too. And they wonder why women don’t like them…
37. Who did you miss?
My friend Helen who moved with her family to New York.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Well, that’s pretty obvious. Miss J of course!
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2015
There is joy in everything if you chose to see it.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I can never think of anything for this. Also, baby brain!!